r/funny 14d ago Helpful 2 Wholesome 4 Silver 3

How my wife (A) and I (B) eat our Thanksgiving dinner, whose side is Reddit on?

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36.2k Upvotes

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22.0k

u/p0p_thAt 14d ago Silver Helpful Take My Energy Rocket Like

My plate is arranged like B, however, I combo like A but in my mouth so I don't appear as a psychopath in front of my significant other's family

443

u/EmersonEsq 14d ago Silver Wholesome

B in the streets. A in the teeths.

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u/TheMostUnclean 14d ago Silver Helpful All-Seeing Upvote

I like to mix up my combinations. Sometimes a little of everything, sometimes just taters and turkey, sometimes just cranberry and turkey. Plate A allows for no variety.

1.2k

u/wigg1es 14d ago

I'm with you 100%.

671

u/enderval 14d ago Table Slap

I want to eat A while looking at B.

267

u/MarioToo 14d ago Silver Got the W

Are you saying you want to eat his wife while staring at him?

88

u/egonsepididymitis 14d ago

You forgot the word “out.”

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u/yll33 13d ago

or did he?

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u/VezurMathYT 13d ago

Vsauce music starts playing

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u/Zeronimum 13d ago

Hey vsauce, micheal here. Your wife is safe and sound in your house. Or is she?

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u/Jukebawks 14d ago

You'd make a good Korean. That's our philosophy on food. We have multiple side dishes and every bite is a flavor combo like a thanksgiving dinner, but all the time.

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u/TheMostUnclean 14d ago

It’s really how I eat all my meals, not just thanksgiving.

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u/peoplewatching101 14d ago

I will even setup (guard rails with Fries or other food) to stop them from mixing

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u/alleecmo 14d ago

That's genius! I need to share this tip with my husband. Our first Valentines Day, I got him a "school lunch tray" with hearts on it because he loathes stuff touching so much. He's used it too.

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u/sevsbinder 14d ago

this is cute

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u/Significant-Ad-5073 14d ago

I agree with you 100%. And the guard rails are a great idea. I go on a hope and a dream that my corn doesn’t touch my potatoes on the way to the table.

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u/ledballoon2022 14d ago

When I was little, 4-7, I hated food touching, I called it “not in my way”. It freaked me out. I did grow out of that. Funny this brought back so many memories. Is/was this a weird thing?

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u/Jukebawks 14d ago Helpful

Yeah I didn't mean to imply you only do that for thanksgiving, actually the opposite, that you're like Koreans because we do this with our meals daily.

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u/50shadesOFu 14d ago

you guys should get married

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u/Jukebawks 14d ago

insert Careless Whisper

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u/nipponnuck 14d ago

The plating with many little dishes also highlights that feature and makes it unavoidable. The one dinner plate masks that somewhat.

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u/Hippyemowitch 14d ago

This tells me I need to try more Korean food

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u/Chrontius 14d ago

No wonder I enjoy the local Korean barbecue so much…

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u/Silentfart 14d ago

You have to make the sandwich in your mouth, it tastes better that way! -Frank Reynolds

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u/iamsheph 14d ago

I'm the one that taught you that!

-Gino Reynolds

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u/Broncarpenter 14d ago

I do B and make combo bites if desired.

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u/phuzzy1deep 14d ago

What kind of monster is OP’s wife?

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u/phitfacility 14d ago

Our hearts love the best monsters

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u/Pleblic_templar 14d ago

Monsterfucker moment

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u/Bean-Swellington 14d ago

I also choose OP’s monster

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u/I_summon_poop 14d ago

You can mash shit together but you cant separate it again. So you should go with B then mix as and when in mouthfuls

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u/Virgin_Dildo_Lover 14d ago

Plate A is disgusting and bordering on a crime against humanity.

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u/SoberTek 14d ago

Plate A is just shy of putting it in a blender

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u/greeziesnpeezies 14d ago

One year when I was serving at a retirement home I had my wisdom teeth taken out around Thanksgiving. I had a hard time healing and couldnt chew so the chef blended up my serving of turkey dinner for me.
6/10 not the worst.

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u/bel_esprit_ 14d ago

This happened to my sister and now she eats blended chicken (normally) bc she liked it so much.

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u/greeziesnpeezies 14d ago

little mash potato, little turkey, green beans and a hint of cranberry?
yum yum

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u/wildgoldchai 14d ago

So basically thick chicken soup? I don’t get the aversion

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u/ummidkum 14d ago

For some reason I want to downvote but I suppose you will get an up vote for making me comment to let you know I thought about downvoting this.

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u/Maxamillion-X72 14d ago

I had to have stomach surgery and was on water only for two weeks and then a month of those boost drinks and jello. Finally they said I could eat anything I could blend in to a shake. My first meal was a turkey dinner smoothie and by comparison it was the best thing I ever had in my life.

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u/Nat1221 14d ago

Threw a chicken pot pie in a blender with some chicken broth when my ex got braces. Chicken pot pie soup!

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u/PinStacker 14d ago

It reminds me of Patton Oswald's bit on KFC Bowls.

A's plate is a failure pile.

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u/stemins 14d ago

This is called the perfect bite. A little turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, cranberry, gravy and maybe a green bean on each forkful. But the plate should be organized like B.

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u/omgyouknow 14d ago

This is the only correct answer

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u/Plane_Acanthaceae_28 14d ago Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome

A is the type of person to say " Hey, it's all going to the same place"

9.9k

u/BTBAM797 14d ago Silver Helpful Stone Face

She'll do well when they puree her food in the nursing home.

1.8k

u/madDarthvader2 14d ago

I work in one, those purees are nasty lmaoo

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u/No-Engineering-1449 14d ago

I serve puree in a nursing home. It is a bitch to get off the stupid ice cream scoopers.

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u/madDarthvader2 14d ago

Especially when it dries and gets all crusty

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u/xNOOPSx 14d ago

Crusty? That shit is an unresearched derivative of concrete.

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u/Grat54 14d ago

Dried Jello is like epoxy. (Former kitchen clean up guy at a large hospital.)

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u/RealJeil420 14d ago

I'm going to go make some jello now. thanks. havent made it in years.

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u/Grat54 14d ago

Cool. Just clean any little blobs on the counter before they dry out!

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u/SSninja_LOL 14d ago

Forbidden Jollyranchers?

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u/Peopletowner 14d ago

If dried jello is epoxy, dried oatmeal is tungsten.

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u/canadajones68 13d ago

Try scone dough made with whole grain. I don't know why we aren't building houses with the stuff.

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u/electroniclone 13d ago

Because it’s bones

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u/No-Engineering-1449 14d ago

I have a story about that, they served pineapple upside down cake. It's pretty good, but it was pots on the floor that night, so I was cleaning the pan (those long metal ones for steam wells). For some reason, there was this one bit, that no matter what would not budge, I stabbed it hard trying prying it, stabbing it with sharper things. It wouldn't come off, I eventually got it off by slamming it into the wall and having a piece of metal braced against it too.

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u/moretodorito 13d ago

That one spongebob episode

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u/kynthrus 14d ago

The lost greek cement recipe?!

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u/No-Engineering-1449 14d ago

Well i'm lazy and I dont fill the bin you throw the silverware in with the cleaner, so it just dries. When I put it into the washer ai have to scrape it out

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u/RockstarAgent 14d ago

Plate A is casserole everyday…

Plate B is law and order.

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u/wtfomegzbbq 14d ago

You lose your taste first anyway, it probably doesn't taste like anything tbh. When I used to work at a nursing facility I would put jam or honey in the purees so they could atleast taste something.

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u/bisexualspikespiegel 13d ago

a guy at the nursing home i worked at hated the puree we had to give him. he was in the memory care building and his wife lived in the assisted living, but honestly she probably should be in memory care too because she would constantly give him solid food despite us telling her many times that he was puree only. he could still taste everything fine but when he swallowed he would start choking on the food. i felt bad that we had to give him puree.

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u/ChefBoyD 14d ago

I work in an omakase/izikaya place. Had someone ask to blend our karaage and negima and skirt steak yakitori. Their jaw was wired shut. They were regulars up until the pandemic.

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u/Enygma_6 14d ago

That's dedication to a favorite restaurant.

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u/Similar_Tale_5876 13d ago

An acquaintance had their jaw wired shut for a total of 10 weeks IIRC. They had an extremely difficult time keeping weight on, and had so much taken away from them - they couldn't even talk for 10 weeks - that blended takeoff was a huge pleasure when there weren't many available. Very kind of a restaurant to do it in-house for a customer!

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u/CorruptedStudiosEnt 14d ago

That's great service for them to do it too. That seems like at least a good few extra steps if you include clean up. I imagine you'd get at least a few eye-rolls in most restaurants.

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u/MelodiousFart210 14d ago

Had someone do this at red lobster. It was like a fried seafood platter too 🤮

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u/Enygma_6 14d ago

Just order lobster bisque at that point. You can already drink that through a straw.

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u/br0b1wan 14d ago

They do that shit in jails too, as a punishment

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u/No-Formal4808 14d ago

Oh my god they called it “meal loaf”

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u/ConditionOfMan 14d ago

I had a roommate that worked at a county jail. He brought me a meal loaf and let me tell you from first hand experience that it is truely revolting.

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u/CorruptedStudiosEnt 14d ago

I only ever spent one night in jail (over fucking parking tickets from parking at my job), but evidently even when they try to make something not as disgusting as that sounds, it's still pretty repugnant.

That morning they gave us pancakes, and they were a similar texture and thickness to those rubber urinal cakes. Utterly tasteless. Like you'd get more flavor just mixing generic flour and water together with nothing else.

Even the butter was fucky. It was unbranded little sealed plastic cups which I'm fairly positive were literally just off-brand crisco.

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u/EdgarAllanKenpo 14d ago

My night in jail consisted of speghetti and water...yes, no meat sauce, fuckin water. Some side of veggies that had the texture of soft bark, and some sort of coffee cake. The coffee cake was the only edible thing. I was withdrawing as well so when I tried everything but the cake I was gagging.

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u/kmj420 14d ago

Nutra-loaf. I worked in the kitchen

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u/bluespaceship69 14d ago

What is that

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u/GGBHector 14d ago

They take everything and bake it into a loaf. Sometimes used as a punishment for prisoners. So bad that there were calls for it being unconstitutional as a cruel and unusual punishment.

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u/IOSL 14d ago

Why does it sound kinda good tho?

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u/purplegreenredblue 14d ago

Like Tasty Wheat ™️

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u/Spatlin07 14d ago

You want your cake with vanilla icing mixed in with your mashed potatoes and gravy? Because that's what they do.

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u/GGBHector 14d ago

Sounds like a potluck till you put it in your mouth. The flavor is described as a cold, bland chili. Then imagine that your diet is that and water for a month. I haven't personally had it, but it seems that the nutraloaf itself isn't that bad, just that when it's your only food it's hell.

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u/ElGranQuesoRojo 14d ago

About 200 year ago prisoners on the East Coast protested they were getting cruel and unusual punishment b/c they were forced to eat............. lobster.

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u/GGBHector 14d ago

Iirc it wasn't until recently lobster became a "rich" food. It used to be food for the poor and the slaves, then the world wars came and the supply chain shifted and over time became a rich food.

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u/happyhomemaker29 14d ago

If I recall, it was served at the first Thanksgiving, along with mussels, clams, oysters and other seafood.

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u/Zanurath 14d ago

Because the places that have it have a TON of it. So it was very high supply and low demand. Once refrigerated shipping became possible it had much more demand and then marketing make it out to be a delicacy and the rest is history.

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u/reviving_ophelia88 14d ago

Pretty sure prison lobster isn’t going to be anything like freshly and properly prepared lobster that you’d eat at home or in a restaurant. Especially considering they manage to make basic dishes like Mac n cheese and pancakes practically inedible, and canned lobster was more likely to be served than fresh to save space and prep time.

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u/OfficerGeorgeGreene 14d ago

To be fair, it was whole lobster with the shell mashed in with the meat

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u/zhivago 14d ago

I think it may have included the crushed shells.

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u/rattling_nomad 14d ago

If you lived by the sea and had to eat it daily, ... absolutely.

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u/kmj420 14d ago

That is what the pureed jail food was called where I was

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u/arnmadter 14d ago

Yes they are I was recently in the hospital and had to have puréed food and I didn’t each much

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u/Administrative_Win56 14d ago

Once my brother did that exact thing but worst, he put egg curry and rice alongside some dessert in mixer and made some horrible curry rice shake. And he drank it.

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u/lolK_su 14d ago

Had a 90 something dementia pt on puréed while sitting 1:1 and they absolutely loved it. I was gagging at the steamed veggies while they smiled through every bite

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u/AAAPosts 14d ago

Get her a feed bag

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u/_Y0ur_Mum_ 14d ago

B is the type of person to say "I won't cross my wife, but let's see who else wants to".

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u/Cetology101 14d ago

Honestly respect to him for making the right decision

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u/Presto123ubu 14d ago

It is, but the special part of B is enjoying each item as intended.

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u/the_one_jt 14d ago

Exactly certain items do go together, others do not and taste will be impacted.

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u/kryptonomicon 14d ago

Also helps to explore the flavor combos

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u/GreatDrivesGaming 14d ago

I am that person, and I still wouldn’t turn my back on the monster this photo shows.

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u/isaaclw 14d ago

I eat the A plate like B. I cut pieces of meat and dip them in my potatoes, etc.

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u/GreatDrivesGaming 14d ago

In light of recent events we are willing to overlook this minor offense, but be warned it’s a slippery slope.

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u/This_guy7796 14d ago

'A' could also slap a scoop on a large dinner role

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u/Blk_Cat_15 14d ago

This is hilarious because before I read the comments i literally just said this to my husband( I'm definitely plate A) 😂😂😂

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u/Wimbleston 14d ago

I'm that person and I love my food like this lol

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u/tarhoop 14d ago

Yeah, but I don't have tastebuds or texture sensors in that place. That's the same argument as, "well, it used to be food" while sucking on a turd. No. It's fucking wrong.

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u/ValuableLemon 14d ago edited 14d ago

B, I prefer more control over what each bite is going to consist of

Edit: Changed eat to each after waking up and seeing this randomly blow up lol

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u/browsing_around 14d ago

Agreed. There are some things that are better than others when mixed. Too much mixing and you lose the textures and which foods hit which parts of the mouth when.

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u/Shakemyears 14d ago

I also prefer to have control over my eat bites.

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u/KingCostanza 14d ago

Yes! It's great for keeping things apart that don't mix well.

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u/SixNineWithTheAfro 14d ago Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote Got the W Vibing

B for thanksgiving day but A is acceptable for leftovers the next day forward.

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u/Turd_Party 14d ago Wholesome Snek

There's the right answer.

At the Thanksgiving table you try to pretend you are a cultured sophisticate with manners and grace.

Leftovers time is Goblin Time.

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u/KillHipstersWithFire 14d ago

Not if you eat a leg. Then you assert dominance over your family as you eat like a viking while they use table manners

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u/Appeal_2_Reason 14d ago

While you sternly make eye contact with all of them. Never blinking.

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u/Not-The-AlQaeda 14d ago

Then forcefully throw the bone on the floor screaming "MORE!"

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u/Strange_Cloud_4643 14d ago

Along with your stoneware flagon of ale!

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u/RammsayB 14d ago

This is why I slice the breast and chunk the legs. If I have to be civilized so will everyone else.

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u/Lesty7 14d ago

You monster

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u/RammsayB 14d ago

I like to think I’m doing everyone a favor really. It lets folks grab one or both without hassle. I also spatchcock and smoke my turkeys so the leg meat isn’t really staying on the bone.

When that breast is hitting 155-160°F so it can rest, the legs are getting into that 175-180°F which is magic for legs and wings.

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u/tson3_rachel 14d ago

100% agree. On the day of its B, the next day we mix all the leftovers together as we heat it in a pan and call it hash. I would go so far as to say hash is better than the initial meal.

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u/cyanide_55 14d ago

I always look forward to the next day Hash more than the first meal. I love to have it for breakfast with a runny egg on top!

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u/dream_focused1103 14d ago

Ooooooo now that’s a good idea right there. Runny egg on top makes everything better

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u/Azmoten 14d ago

“Goblin Mode” is up for Oxford’s Word of the Year. Let’s all take a moment to vote for it. I know you said “time” instead of “mode,” but I think either one works. Also the two other words are “#IStandWith” and “Metaverse,” so let’s give it to “Goblin Mode.”

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u/Technical_Physics_57 14d ago

So glad I didn’t have to scroll too far for the real answer

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u/ForestCityWRX 14d ago

This is the correct answer.

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u/OneForAllOfHumanity 14d ago

Leftovers belong in a toasted sandwich: mayo, cranberry sauce, turkey, stuffing, gravy and chopped Brussel sprouts (which were of course fried with bacon)

Better than the actual thanksgivings meal!

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u/LaUNCHandSmASH 14d ago edited 13d ago

I like to chop all the cold leftovers up into tiny pieces and using mashed potatoes as a binder, create balls that I then beer batter and deep fry. Smother those balls in turkey gravy and I think it's better than the OG meal.

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u/pizzahause 14d ago

Ideas like this are worth being fat for.

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u/LaUNCHandSmASH 14d ago

Lol yeah. The credit goes to the Comet Cafe in Milwaukee, Wi. That was the first place I had it and the world made just a little more sense after that. Now I just make them myself for hungover guests the next day. That place also gives you complementary baskets of bacon on Sundays. Never change Milwaukee!

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u/SirSamuelVimes83 14d ago

That is the most American leftover I have ever heard of

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u/Outside_The_Walls 14d ago

Leftovers belong in a toasted sandwich: mayo, cranberry sauce, turkey, stuffing, gravy and chopped Brussel sprouts (which were of course fried with bacon)

No moistmaker? I'll pass.

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u/StealthTai 14d ago

Okay you have won me over

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u/astrahl40 14d ago

I swing both ways.

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u/trippleBob 14d ago

I start with B and end up with A so you are both correct

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u/NerdHerder77 14d ago Gold

These people act like you can't have both, and then make a third plate made up of sandwiches using the dinner bun.

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u/garciasn 14d ago

I’m sorry. What the fuck is a leftover dinner roll?

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u/s0much2say 14d ago

I buy an extra pack of rolls and hide them. Make them the next day so we have fresh rolls for dinner and leftovers. Kid ate all the freaking rolls for today already but that’s ok fresh onestomorrow

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u/phyrestorm999 14d ago

What you have the next day if you start with more rolls than people and your dad doesn't THROW THEM OUT half an hour after the meal like a CRAZY PERSON.

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u/Dowager-queen-beagle 14d ago

That is CRIMINAL!

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u/zack907 14d ago

By more do you mean like 10 per person, because less than that, there are no left over dinner rolls.

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u/AuntJ2583 14d ago

if you start with more rolls than people and your dad doesn't THROW THEM OUT half an hour after the meal like a CRAZY PERSON

You had rolls left 30 minutes after the meal? Odd....

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u/rachel_tenshun 14d ago

I audibly gasped

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u/its8up 14d ago

A leftover dinner roll is a sign of over preparation for the feast. Proper over preparedness always allows for a cushion of a few dinner roll sammiches to cushion the transition to regular bread sammiches.

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u/BagOfFlies 14d ago

It's not a leftover if you eat all 3 plates back to back.

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u/Type2Earthling 14d ago

Haha too true! I came to say plate B is the way. I hate when my food touches on the plate. On the fork or in a sammich is another story 🤣 I personally enjoy leftover turkey, stuffing and cranberry sauce on rye bread with butter, salt and pepper 🤌🏻

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u/SafetyMammoth8118 14d ago

Same here. First plate was B, seconds was A

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u/UNeed2CalmDownn 14d ago

B.

I want to enjoy everything on it's own.

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u/Haterbait_band 14d ago

And even then, you have the option of blending various foods at different quantities throughout the meal. Although I’m sure option A tastes fine, it’ll be a homogeneous flavor, like a pizza that has everything and therefore nothing.

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u/BrotherNeo 14d ago

What a philosophical thought about everything pizza. I love it!

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u/Allthewayinn 14d ago

I have a buddy that literally eats one side at a time, it cracks me up everytime

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u/Chronoblivion 14d ago

I'm this way. I tend to eat one food at a time. Not sure why, it's not a compulsion or a sensory thing because if I think about it and deliberately swap things up it doesn't cause me any stress or anxiety to do so. I think it started as a desire to save the best for last. It's also faster and more efficient to stick with the utensil or food item you've currently got in your hand rather than swapping to take a bite of something else. These days I also use the excuse of it being advantageous for my diabetes; with the exception of dessert (because I can always make room for it), I tend to eat carbier parts of my meal first just in case I fill up early.

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u/not_tayloroliver 14d ago

B, because I'm not an animal.

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u/heyimanxietygirl 14d ago

A is for animal.

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u/I-was-the-guy-1-time 14d ago

B is for amazing joB

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u/GoneWithTheJizz 14d ago

C is for cookie. That’s good enough for me.

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u/gestalto 14d ago

Literally, my exact thought lol

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u/cookandcritic 14d ago

B always turns into A as I go

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u/ConfidentFennel5258 14d ago

A always turns into B as I go

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u/Cyrano_de_Boozerack 14d ago

You have an amazing power.

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u/VegaSolo 14d ago

C is correct. The way my now-deceased dad did it: Build a volcano with the soft food (potatoes and/or stuffing) then fill the volcano with the other food.

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u/Sheruk 14d ago

i used to do this with mashed potatoes and gravy, hen i would release the volcano by scooping some side bits out and let it flow all over the rest of my meal.

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u/annajoo1 14d ago

I’d watch that movie

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u/GoingToHaveToSeeThat 14d ago

It's called Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

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u/timbreandsteel 14d ago

I believe they call that "The Pompeii"

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u/crono624 14d ago

NGL cuz- (A)is a pretty wicked sweet lookin witches brew…

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u/MrBlk919 14d ago Wholesome

Your wife is a Monster 🤣

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u/aimed_4_the_head 14d ago

Hey now! She's a kind and devoted woman, who lovingly regurgitated all that food for her hungry baby birds.

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u/moor9776 14d ago

Agreed. Grounds for Divorce. Also, can you let your future ex know I’m clean and available?

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u/Ok_Culture_3935 14d ago

My Grandfather was team A. His reasoning was ‘it all ends up in the same place anyway’. I am team B. My response ‘it all comes out of the same place too, but I wouldn’t eat that mixture’.

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u/i_hate_hotdog 13d ago

That's the best response I have heard, I'll steal that if you don't mind

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u/Pgruk 14d ago

I love mixing flavors! But B. The place to mix the flavors is your fork.

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u/Legitimate_Wizard 14d ago

I agree. Keep them separate, but you can scoop a little of each item per bite, or just one or two items at once. More control over the mix this way.

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u/RyanKennedy911 14d ago

Omg…she ok?!

44

u/pinkdouble 14d ago

Do you really need to ask?

No... man no she is not OK, nothing about this is OK

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u/Ducatirules 14d ago

“A” is a sociopath who shouldn’t be allowed to mingle with us civilized people!!

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u/No_Shopping867 14d ago

Save this photo as evidence for any pending custody or alimony hearings.

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u/EddieLobster 14d ago

Been through it. This singular piece of evidence is enough to flip any judge to your side.

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u/Ferrisrocksfaces 14d ago

Correct answer. Red flags everywhere. Get out while you can, OP.

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u/WolfandLight 14d ago

Plot twist: A is OP, and B is that ostrich from Alberta.

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u/Granpa0 14d ago

B because we are civilized here

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u/Difficult-Ad-955 14d ago

Even B is too messy for me

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u/TheBadSeed123 14d ago

Same. Sure, it will all be A in the stomach, as it should. Before then, Team B.

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u/Aggravating_Sweet523 14d ago

I mean, what's a casserole?

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u/KilnTime 14d ago

I hate that I agree with you.

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u/the__badness 14d ago

B

I get it’s all going in the same place but I like being able to choose how much of each flavor I get in each bite.

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u/Sad_Glove_3047 14d ago

What!? No Turkey? You’re both wrong

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u/Ghost_Portal 14d ago

I scrolled way too far looking for this. WTF they’re eating two kinds of pig, and no turkey?

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u/greendeadredemption2 14d ago

Seriously, I don’t even like thanksgiving turkey really but to not even have it on there as an option just seems wrong. I save my ham for Christmas.

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u/Detroit_Worker 14d ago

B. Didn't you eat with her before getting married?

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u/eef357 14d ago

B B B B 100%B a deserves the 8th circle of hell

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u/Lawrence3s 14d ago

They are the same, no difference to me. Give me either and I'll be happy.

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u/Icy-Ant-4559 14d ago

I was b but upgraded to A a few decades later

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u/hurricanecook 14d ago

I would say B if you took your cranberry sauce off your meat, you uncultured heathen.

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u/Mommy4Life1990 14d ago

If you think that's bad, how do you feel about cranberry sauce mixed with mashed potatoes?

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